Tag Archives: Men

Every Man’s Guide to Surviving A Breakup

 

Guysexual-10001

It’s happened.

So you’ve just gone through (what you feel is) the worst breakup of your life. You’re standing all alone in your apartment, with your now-no-longer-jointly-owned cat, half of your belongings, and half of your heart. You’re single and stressing out over waking up to an empty bed, and an emptier life.

But I’ll tell you a secret.

You’re obviously going to get through it. All you need are a few essentials to start over before you get back in the game. So how about you prep your house (and your heart) with this essential Post-Breakup Bachelor Pad Survival Kit?

1. Crisp white sheets

Nothing screams the single life than brand new white sheets, completely devoid of the stains and smells of your monstrous ex.

It makes your dull, depressing apartment (and you) appear larger and brighter, and is the perfect background for the various vacation flings you’ll bring back home over the weeks to come.

2. A super-sized box of condoms

All the vacation flings that you bring back home aren’t going to cover themselves.

3. Instant noodles

You’ll need packets and packets of instant noodles, because you won’t feel like cooking anything more complicated. It’s your 4 am friend and you can douse it with everything you’ve got — the spare bit of ricotta cheese, some tomato ketchup, a little smidgeon of Tabasco, oregano that you painstakingly collected over years of pizza deliveries, a healthy drizzle of soy sauce and the dozen expletives you didn’t use in your goodbye email.

And as you wait the quintessential two minutes for the water to boil, you can cry. Because that’s enough time to cry your heart out.

4. A tub of your favourite ice cream flavour in the fridge

Ice cream solves what retail therapy can’t. Enough said.

5. A strong resolve

Every once in a while, you’ll have this sudden urge. It will hit you in the middle of the night as you toss in bed, or when you are answering emails at work. It might even hit you when you’re writing out a birthday card for the best friend. This is the urge to get back in touch with your ex, and ask him to take you back. You’ll beg, you’ll plead, you’ll reason, and you’ll hate.

For those tough moments, you’ll need a tough heart.

6. An emptier smartphone

Delete the texts, the pictures from your vacation last year, the bill receipts from your dates, the sexts you sent each other on your anniversary and the screenshots you saved to use in a fight later (and did). Delete it all. Cleanse your phone, and then use it to call a friend over. Call all your friends over.  Share your ice cream and your instant noodles with all of them. Repeat till you are happy.

7. A Netflix account with high speed Internet

The only remedy to the perfect post-breakup life is HD quality television, free of commercial breaks (and moments to linger back to your vile ex.)

Good luck binge watching through three seasons of Black Mirror as you try your best to chew on your lukewarm instant noodles from last night.

8. A bottle (or crate) of Cabernet Sauvignon stacked away in the closet

There’s nothing like some Bordeaux loving to get you out of your slump, and into bed with the cute writer you’ve been flirting with all of last week.

9. A yoga mat

At some point, you’d open the blinds and want to lose all the ice-cream induced weight. You’d want to get back in the dating game. You’d want to look like the best version of yourself.

On that day, you’ll buy yourself a yoga mat (because deep down you know you’ll never stick to a gym membership right till the very end). You’d effectively end up using the mat as a background for your next Grindr picture.

10. Optimism

One day, after an hour’s worth of Pilates on your new yoga mat, you’ll sit up straighter than before and tell yourself that this isn’t the worst moment of your life. You’ll throw out the leftover ice cream and drink the last bottle of wine. You’ll wash the noodle-stained vessels and put them away. You’ll tell yourself that you’ll be OK.

You’ll eventually start believing it. Because you will be OK.

Meet The Men 3.0: The Sapiosexual

Sapiosexual firstpost

 

Ranveir, 27, is a high-profile accountant with a high-profile MNC.
And yes, that’s how he describes himself.

He likes his matcha tea and his sourdough bread, and twice a month, he likes walking his dog on weekends. Ranveir guffaws at racist jokes, and occasionally ghosts a nice guy because ‘things are moving too fast, and I can’t handle all the expectations of this relationship’.

While the fact that he spells his name that way might ring a warning bell, something else seals the deal.

Ranveir is a self-proclaimed sapiosexual. How does it change anything?

Let’s get it straight. The word sapiosexual is thrown around as casually as the phrase ’sane and sorted’ is used on Grindr. It’s a security blanket used by boys to keep the douchebags away (completely unaware that it makes them sound like one too), assuming it’s going to draw in a string of smart, suave and eligible men straight to the bedroom (and beyond). But that’s the thing.

All the smart, suave, eligible men are taken.
And they don’t call themselves sapiosexuals.

Continue reading Meet The Men 3.0: The Sapiosexual

Number Fifteen: The Therapist

unnamed
Art Work: Aakash Dewan.

It’s a sweaty Friday afternoon – but we are indoors, wolfing down second helpings of chicken schezwan noodles, and trying to get the waiter to get our drinks (two large pegs of rum with a little cola, topped all the way with ice) to our table. The air is heavy with cigarette smoke and endless chatter – you can smell the waywardness of our lives. I want to ask him whether he would like to share a smoke – but first, I have something more important up my sleeve –

‘What’s your name?’

Continue reading Number Fifteen: The Therapist

Guysexual Recommends: ‘Find Your Magic’ By Axe.

axe_find_your_magic

 

The What?

The ‘Find Your Magic’ advertisement  by Axe.

The Why?

Because Axe finally reaches out to ALL men in the world – the misfits, the crazy ones, the theatre geeks, the nerds and the gays. ‘You need abs to sell a deodrant’ said no on ever.

Here’s to you, deodrant company of the masses.

The Where?

Find the trending video on Youtube right here.

Guysexual #Go: Salvation Star’s Taboo Soiree!

 

12496306_10156527269140601_4414471937428466030_o

What: Salvation Star’s Taboo Soiree!

Where: Bungalow 9, Bandra (West), Mumbai.

When: 9:30 PM onwards, Saturday, 23rd january 2016.

Why: Because hey, these parties are always overflowing with cute boys and tasty cocktails (or is it the other way around?). Plus, guess who’s the digital partner?

*shameless self-promotion*

Twenty Other Things You Hear At Every LGBT Party.

 

LGBT Party 2.jpg

 

  1. ’I wasn’t going to show up, but then I had nothing else to do…do you have a light?’
  2. ‘Hey, hi! Do you think I can borrow a cigarette from you? Benson Lights? Sure, anything will do.’
  3. “ Is he looking at me? Wait, is he looking at you? Okay, the first one to talk to him takes him home tonight.’
  4. ‘I think I need a shot…make that two. Can you pay for these? I forgot my credit card in my other wallet today,’
  5. ‘That shirt on those pants? He’s such a fashion disaster – he should be happy he’s cute!’
  6. ‘Do you think I can survive on one beer all night long?’
  7. ‘ OMG, where have you been? You disappeared! I haven’t seen you since…. oh wait, we ran into each other at the last one.’
  8. ‘Can we please leave before closing bell? I hate making small talk when the lights are back on,’
  9. ‘So gay parties aren’t usually my thing, but I wanted to come check out what the hype is all about…oh hold on, I see a friend, I’ll talk to you later?’
  10. ‘Is it just me, or are the lights dimmer than usual?’
  11. ‘Oh, you wear sandals? How cute.’
  12. ‘That new Adele song? Story of my life.’
  13. ‘Can I have a mojito? Hello? Hello? Umm, Mr. bartender?’
  14. ‘I want to go pee so badly, but all the stalls are full, and I am too intimidated to use the urinals, you know what I mean?’
  15. ‘Ughhh. This party is full of people I didn’t want to run int-…heyyy! What are you doing here? We were just talking about how lovely the crowd is today!’
  16. ‘Seriously, do you have any idea where the after party is at?’
  17. ‘I totally don’t mind being objectified right now.’
  18. ‘ Did you see how he had his tongue down his throat? So sick. Think someone will make out with me like that?’
  19. ‘Oh god, oh god, hide…it’s my ex!’
  20. ‘ If his t-shirt gets any tighter, he would look like a mannequin. A hot one, but a mannequin nonetheless.’