How does the average gay man measure the past year?
In the number of boys he ghosted? The number of times he had his heart broken? The number of times he swore off carbs? The number of messages he deleted? Glasses of wine he consumed? People he came out to? Slices of pizza he looked at lovingly? Sunday brunches? Exes?
If 2016 were a boy, it would be the one that you bump into at a bar fight and never want to see again — until you match with him on Tinder just days later. It’s been a year only a few of us would want to see again, one that we want to replace with starry eyed resolutions and bottles of expensive wine.
What can I say?
It’s time to rinse out the year, and say hello to the next one. While most of us resolve to learn a new skill, cut down on alcohol or spend more time giving back to the world — five days into January, we are back to being our despicable selves all over again. So while you make New Year plans that are full of confetti, cheap champagne and poor judgment, here are a few resolutions for 2017 that aren’t as easy to give up on as your doomed alcohol detox: