Tag Archives: Gay Boys

Fantastic Men And Where To find Them


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Like I’ve said before, the list of places to not go looking for your next boyfriend is endless.

From the gym, to the gourmet supermarket, to your neighbourhood park — each place (and all the ensuing boys who frequent it) needs to be given a wide berth when you are trying to go from zero to Hallmark movie in the romance department.

Is it a depressing world?

Yes.

Does that mean you need to give up on the idea of finding true love?

No!

See, the list of places to not go looking for your next paramour might be a bottomless pot, but so is the list of places where you can find your next big summer fling — and I’ll tell you something — it doesn’t need to restrict itself to your neighbourhood watering hole or the local gym.

Want to know where you can find your next big (and hopefully, final) happily-ever-after? Here are my top four places to go scouting:

1. Your daily commute

Remember how they say that the journey is more important than the destination?

For most of us, commuting to work can be quite boring — travelling from point A (home) to B (work) can take almost two hours every day, which is time that you’d rather spend lifting weights at the gym, or chugging down shots at the bar.

It’s time to leave those cars at home, cross over to the public transport lane, and make things less taxing, and more relaxing. Whether your eyes sympathetically meet over a co-passenger who’s digging deep into his nose, sigh at the same instant at a delay announced over the train’s disembodied speakers, or bang into each other accidentally (of course) because of your metro’s faulty braking systems, there are potential mates lurking everywhere — and they have an open seat waiting for you right next to them.

Now, how about using your daily commute for something more meaningful — from point A straight to your new ‘B’eau’s heart?

The next time you take the train, or metro or bus to work, look up from your phones. You just might spot your next date. Hold on to the railings (or him, whichever is more convenient), and let your body do the talking. You’ll be taking the last train back (to his arms) in no time.

So are we all aboard?

Side note: If that doesn’t work for you, think about all the fuel (and money) you’ll save taking public transport to work. That’s where your gym memberships and shots at the bar come from.

2. At your work place

Anyone who says business should not be mixed with pleasure has clearly not felt the thirst as they make eye contact with the hot colleague at the water fountain.

They say that falling in love with someone at work might jeopardize your professional ethics, and might potentially make everything awkward — but isn’t everything in life awkward anyway? From tripping on your birthday cake when you turned twenty-three, to having a visible wine stain down your trousers’ front that one time at an office party, life has been one awkward marathon. So why stop there?

Being in a relationship at work only makes you work that much harder — no one likes to be given the cold shoulder by a colleague or a Wednesday morning yelling by the boss in front of someone they share an apartment with. This is not only work, it’s your relationship working out.

And the perks?

You get to carpool every day, spend boring meetings secretly texting each other across the table, and roll your eyes unanimously as your b*tch manager chomps away on his sandwich a little too loudly. It’s everything that makes a Monday morning at work seem like a Saturday night at home.

Plus, any chance you get to make your co-workers jealous is a chance well earned.

Side note: Is steamy ‘after-work hours’ sex in the pantry, a part of your bucket list?

Consider it done. Just beware of the hot coffee.

3. At the bookstore

Yes, bookshops still exist and meet cutes still happen — like they say, if it can happen in the movies, it can happen in real life. Plus, if you like to read books (and boys), it’s always best to go the source. Can you imagine cuddling with a book (and your future soul mate) and a hot cup of coffee all evening long (till the store’s working hours, obviously)?

You obviously can. But how do you meet your book-loving bibliophile for that to happen? Maybe you share a sneak peek at each other as you exchange side-eye glances at Chetan Bhagat’s most obvious plot twists, or gasp out loud together at Agatha Christie’s less obvious ones. Your hands could reach for the same Haruki Murakami masterpiece, or unanimously brush away another one of Jackie Collin’s potboilers. But what’s the best bit?

It doesn’t even matter if you are not on the same page (pun intended), because you clearly are going to be on the same book.

He finally walks over, and asks you whether you would recommend the book you are reading (Erich Segal’s Love Story, from the beginning of this chapter). You smile, and he sits down next to you. And there, as you coo about how you absolutely love the vanilla-like smell of old books, and passionately explain why a real, physical hardcover is always better than a PDF, he’ll nervously ask you out for dinner. How can you be sure?

Because, he obviously will (it’s Erich Segal’s Love Story, after all). What if he doesn’t?

Well, there’s always a discount on the bestseller’s section.

4. At a Volunteering Op

Volunteering can be amazing. For starters, you are giving back to society, and secondly, you are also teaming up with other like-minded individuals, who like you, are clearly the nicest people that make up a mere 1 percent of the world.

Take up a cause that actually matters to you (apart from your sole purpose of shacking up with a saint) so that you have a chance of ending up in Santa Claus’s list even if you don’t end up in someone else’s bed. Teach underprivileged kids. Help out at a community kitchen. Sign up for a pet adoption service. Join a beach cleaning drive.

Maybe as you clean up the shorelines of your city, you can clean up the mess your life is at the moment, by meeting someone who could be the much-needed positive influence on your life.  How about giving a chance to the wavy-haired gentleman with the deep tan and deeper dimples who’s picking up the plastic bags?

Sign me up, please. Plus, if you get to rack up some good karma as you build a ‘Habitat For Humanity’ for your heart, what’s there to complain about?

Dear Gay Men, Here Are the Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating.

 

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As a gay man, you spend as much time charting the dregs of a dating app as you spend deciding between a mimosa and a mojito for Sunday brunch — only in the case of the latter, there are no empty calories, just empty feelings (and no, there are no Happy Hours on online dating portals).

Online dating might look depressingly tough, but it’s really not.  Do you want to get away and get it on in real life?

Just follow these dos and swerve away from the don’ts, and you’ll never have to hit the bar to drown your loneliness ever again:

Do: Have a recent picture of yourself

Unless you still look like your gorgeous, toned self from 2007, have a photo that was taken in the past few months as your display picture. After all, no one wants to see that look of disappointment on their date’s face when they turn up and see you for the very first time.

PS: have more than one photo, as cameras can be pathological liars (and so can people).

Don’t: Lie on your profile

We know how exhilarating it can be to lie about your age, height, weight and the fact that you won ‘Entrepreneur of the Year’ award back in 2010 on your profile, but do remember — you are only one Google search (or one date) away from never seeing the hypothetical boy of your dreams ever again.

Do: Take chances

Does your date seem slightly boring than he did on text? Is his nose off centre? Do you find him a bit pudgy around the waist? You can pass him off, and wait and wait and keep waiting, but perfection might never make it when you want it to.

While online dating can seem superficial — as you swipe right through profiles of gorgeous men with pectoral muscles and PHDs, you might need to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while. Who know? Maybe the grungy musician who lives with his parents is the one you’ll click with.

Don’t: Ask for a picture if you don’t have one

If you do, you are a certified A-level douchebag.

Do: Be well groomed

If you don’t expect your date to turn up with garlic breath and body odour, neither should you. No one expects you to look like you are walking the ramp for the next Autumn/Winter collection, but make an effort and dress up (more on that later).

Side note: Take a shower and spray some cologne; it always helps.

Don’t: Be a Yes man

Will you share my salad?

Want to come back to my place?

Why don’t you leave your wallet with me when you head off to the washroom?

I have a fetish for blood. Are you interested?

Don’t be a people pleaser; if someone asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, a succinct ‘no’ is all it takes. You don’t even need an excuse after.

Do: Be on time

There’s nothing more attractive than a man who is always on time. If you aren’t, keep an apology text ready to be sent at least ten minutes before your assigned meeting time.

Buy him a drink (or two) when you get there — alcohol always makes up for (and makes with) lost time.

Don’t: Get too drunk on the first date

Being drunk on a date is never sexy, especially if it involves you retching over his Italian loafers (halfway through the heartwarming story of how he lost his cat when he was twelve).

Side note: If you are feeling the first date sweats and are generally anxious, calm yourself with a drink, but stop at two (or when you feel the sudden urge to flirt with the bartender).

Do: Talk on the date

Contribute to the conversation like you would contribute to water cooler gossip — remember that a great conversation can help you go a long way, right up to ten-year anniversary pictures on the fridge.

Don’t: Be mean

No one likes to be told that their posture is wrong; their shoes are last season, their big dream won’t work or that they’ve got something stuck between their teeth.

Don’t like your date? Don’t take it out on him. Have a drink or two, and end the night early with a polite excuse, and a cheque that’s split two ways.

The 50 Other Things You Hear At Every LGBT Party

 

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You can sum up every gay party broadly into two categories: free flowing boys, and free flowing cocktails. What else is there to life, you ask?

Great vibes, endless pitchers of sangria and pretty boys aside, each soiree is also a bundle of sassy one-liners and anecdotes — ones that you’d be (most definitely) lending a ear to, when you are not lending a cigarette to the hot boy across the dance floor. We’ve already swept through 50 of such well-worded gems at a previous party; but there’s always space for more, just like there’s always space for that one last drink. Are you ready to put the contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race to shame?

Here are 50 other cult lines you’ll hear on your way to the bar, as you push your way through a gaggle of sequined men at the next LGBT rager:

1. ‘I’ll have a regular beer. Do you have change for 2000 though?’
2. ‘I should have just come straight to the after party…’
3. ‘But wait, there is an after party, right?’
4. ‘Oh damn! Hide me! I hooked up with that guy two weeks ago, and I don’t want to say hi!’
5. ‘Can you make me a vodka soda with four cubes of ice? Hold the soda…’
6. ‘If I stand right next to the bar, do you think someone will buy me a drink?’
7. ‘Why were you in the bathroom for so long?’
8. ‘He’s not my type, you can have him,’
9. ‘Oh wow! Can you believe it? He really looks nothing like his Grindr profile picture!’
10. ‘Today’s guest list is like my Grindr screen, you know what I mean?’
11. ‘Next time I come here, I am going to get a straight friend along so I am not the most awkward person in the room…’
12. ‘Hold my drink? I heard that the smoking zone is where all the cute boys are…’
13. ‘They really need to hold these at a different club — I feel like I’ve embarrassed myself in front of all the bartenders here…’
14. ‘I am scared to go the restroom! Maybe I’ll just hold it in…’
15. ‘Okay, just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to have your blinders on like a horse! Do you see the open buffet that I do?’
16. ‘I am telling you! He was definitely wearing the same clothes the last time around.’
17. ‘I think I need a shot of tequila to calm my nerves, okay, make that three shots of tequila…’
18. ‘What’s this I heard about you planning to call it a night and leave early? The party’s not over till they hand out the plastic cups!’
19. ‘Umm, I’ve been waiting here for like five minutes for my drink…heelllooo?’
20. ‘Umm, I don’t want to sound awkward, but is your Grindr name TheExcalibur by any chance? You look really familiar!’
21. ‘I only came to this one because it was 15 minutes away….’
22. ‘If his pants get any tighter, he’s going to need some surgery.’
23. ‘When was the last time I saw you? At Fashion Week two months ago? Why didn’t you come say hi? I was right by the bar!’
24. ‘Can you split that on two credit cards?’
25. ‘I can’t wait to get into a relationship just so I can stop coming to these gigs, to be honest.’
26. ‘Hi! Can I buy you a drink? No? Your friend, maybe?’
27. ‘I can’t believe he just called me bro.’
28. ‘Is it too soon to ask someone if I can bump a cigarette off them?’
29. ‘Oh wait! I don’t remember if I’ve slept with him or not…should I go and say hi?’
30. ‘Are you serious? Who comes to these alone?’
31. ‘I might have gone overboard with the pre-gaming. I am feeling slightly sick. Why didn’t you tell me that chugging that entire bottle of wine was a bad idea?’
32. ‘I am just going to find myself a corner and make fun of everyone else here…’
33. ‘I don’t know whether I am drunk or not, but I feel like I need to tell you that I’ve never had an orgasm.’
34. ‘I can’t believe I went on a two day salt cleanse for such a dull night, but tell me – can you see my cheekbones? Do they look like they can cut through glass?’
35. ‘I can’t believe I had to go through three hours of grinding for another night on Grindr.’
36. ‘I don’t know whether it’s the techno music, the lights or my gin and tonic, but I really feel like the bartender was hitting on me right now.’
37. ‘How many calories do you think a glass of sangria has?’
38. ‘Did all the hot men collectively decide to sit this one out?’
39. ‘On a scale of 1 to 10, how “effortlessly put together” do I look?’
40. ‘If he’s a seven on the dance floor, he’s most definitely a nine in bed…’
41. ‘I am going to play a game where I count the number of people who I’ve blocked on Grindr.’
42. ‘This crowd is so 2012!’
43. ‘That man in the corner looks like my math professor from school… oh wait, hold on… OH MY GOD…it is my math professor from school!’
44. ‘Who cares about Section 377 when all the boys out here are elevens!’
45. ‘My beer goggles are definitely not helping tonight.’
46. ‘Who calls them beer goggles? Call them Scotch sunnies or gin glares, maybe?’
47. ‘Seriously, does anyone know where the after party is?’
48. ‘There are more gay men here than the ZARA clearance sale!’
49. ‘Do you have any idea what the DJ is playing? He’s cute though…’
50. ‘I think I said hi to him twice tonight — do you think he’ll think I am hitting on him? Is it okay if I am hitting on him?’