Category Archives: The Things We Do

20 Things You Hear At Every LGBT Party.

LGBT party

 

  1. ‘Wait. Is this only entry? I thought it was cover.’
  2. ‘This party is so boring; I should have just stayed home tonight. Wait, while you are heading to the bar, get me a beer? No, wait…make it a Long Island Iced Tea.’’
  3. ‘The music is so 2010.’
  4. ‘ Did you see what he was wearing; it’s so hideous tha – … oh, hi! How are you doing? I absolutely love what you are wearing today!’
  5. ‘Damn, I wish someone comes and buys me a drink.’
  6. ‘Oh my god! It has been so long since I saw you last? Where have you been?’
  7. ‘So where were you pre-drinking?’
  8. ‘I would go and smoke outside but it’s so hot. Do you think the air conditioning is on?’
  9. ‘Want to stand in the corner and make fun of everyone?’
  10. ‘…Why are you surprised to seem them together? Didn’t you hear – they are an item again.’
  11. ‘The last time I was here, I got so wasted, I don’t remember a thing. There are videos somewhere, but I’d rather not see them…’
  12. ‘Is he checking me out? Tell me, is he checking me out?’
  13. ‘That’s a seven, and that’s a five, oh no wait, I think he’s a four…’
  14. ‘Do you think they saw me? Okay, pretend to say something really serious so that it looks like we don’t want out conversation to be disturbed.’
  15. ‘I think he was wearing the same outfit the last time around.’
  16. ‘Does anyone know where the after party is happening?’
  17. ‘You are getting there at 10? Who gets there that early? People would think you don’t have a life.’
  18. ‘You want to come back to my place? I have a great collection of jazz music…’
  19. ‘Don’t you think the crowd was better last time around?’
  20. ‘I’ve heard rumours that there are lines happening in the bathrooms…’

Hello, Fabulous World!

Intro

I’ve always had a lot of questions in my head.

Is ketchup better than mustard? Did man really walk on the moon? How do you eat crème brulee? Will they ever resume Heroes? Should I really have that fourth cup of espresso? What’s eighteen times thirty-two? Are gay men any different than the straight ones? Does true love exist for either?

Like the classical gay stereotype, I might not know the right spoon to eat my crème brulee with, or what colour shirt goes with a leather jacket, but I do know that there never really is only the One. There’s a Two, a Three and a Four, and probably more. It will work out with some of them, and sometimes it will not. (Side note: white shirts work with anything.)

Sounds familiar?

It obviously does, because there really is no difference between gay and straight when it comes to love, sex or relationships – unless you have to think about who fits the bill when things are going so bad, you probably might never ever see each other again.

There’s a definite need to bust the many stereotypes that exist about gay men, and most of them need to be busted like the bell-bottom trend – do we like pink? Is Adele on loop? Are we promiscuous? Do we really lust after our best friend’s boyfriend? Not really, nope, nope and never ever, unless he’s cute and made a pass at us (but then again, never.)

It’s simply rude if you ask gay men questions like these – it’s like asking someone if they’ve ever killed someone or whether they have something stuck between their teeth. Here’s a friendly PSA: Gay men come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. If someone tells you they identify as gay, there’s no need to ask them whether they like Bradley Cooper or Brad Pitt (Cooper, any day). It’s that easy.

But even though we live in a world full of hipsters and millennials, coming out, isn’t easy. In fact, it’s far from the Hallmark movie that I make it out to be – every year, more and more people are pushed back into the closets to rot away with clothes that are too tight, cigarettes that are too damp and love notes that are long forgotten. Every day, more and more gay men are abandoned, disowned and even condemned to hell. Every day, a few more gay men hate themselves for their sexuality, and a few more men shut down these doors to their closets forever.

Blame it on Section 377 or blame it on middle class mob mentality, but it’s almost disheartening that things work this way. Coming out shouldn’t be an ordeal or a celebration; it should be a regular, everyday thing – like flossing your teeth every night, or telling your friends that you are vegan, or don’t like Taylor Swift. (We feel for you, Calvin Harris.)

That’s where the Guysexual comes in. (without any invitations, because invitations are so 2008) Think of this as your quintessential guide to the secret lives of Indian gay men – There might not be a pop culture guidebook to being a homosexual, but there is one to knowing how to behave with one. This is a list of do’s and don’ts and will’s and wont’s for every question you might have regarding the friend gay man (or men) in your neighborhood – how do you decides who plays for the bill at the end of a meal? Do we prefer beer or mimosas? What are the things you should never ever say to someone when they come out? Is it okay to call a woman a fag hag? Do we really like brunch as much as we say we do? Why are all the hot guys gay? Why is it not a good idea to instantly try setting up a new gay friend with the only other gay person that you know?

But more importantly, how about one individually decides not to make homosexuality a big deal? So don’t say ‘something is gay’. Don’t point at someone who dresses differently. Don’t snigger at the guy who doesn’t play cricket. Don’t say that you want a gay best friend because you think it’s cool. Don’t assume. Don’t presume, but most importantly, don’t bully.

Maybe sometime in the future, a month, a year or even a decade – every LGBT person in this country can enjoy the same privileges that a select few do. And maybe, just maybe, it won’t be a privilege, but simply a way of life by then.

Until then, I’d need a beer. And probably your number too.

The 5 different guys you meet on Grindr

Can I tell you a secret?

Every second love story begins on Grindr. What about everybody else?

They lie, and say they met at Starbucks. Grindr is a haystack of men, but there’s no corresponding shiny needle to find. For every possible Prince Charming that you would find on the app, you’d find half a hundred dozen men you wish you had never met (or said ‘Hi’ to; who meets anyone in person anymore?) Here are five such men you’d see doing the rounds of Grindr every day, while on their gym breaks or lunch, or those lone moments in the loo when they (read: you) have nothing else to do:

Continue reading The 5 different guys you meet on Grindr