The Beginner’s Guide to Finding (and Becoming) Great, Gay Men

 

beginner's guide

We’ve already established the world is littered with boys that you should never date.

It’s full of deplorable narcissists; self-obsessed gym freaks, dubious know-it-alls and the select few who never call back (and never give a reason for it). But hidden between the bad tastes and the bad manners are a few good men, the same ones who shine bright and right. They are the diamonds in the rough. The needles in the haystack. The gemstones on the beach. The evens in the odds.

When you do find one of these boys, pull up your socks and take them (and make some space for their toothbrush in your shower cabinet if you can) before someone else does.

Because they will. Here are twenty such boys that you need to go buy a wedding band for already:

1. Knows that if there’s no condom, there’s no sex

Even if you insist that it’s better when there’s nothing between you, which you shouldn’t. Always cover those troopers, kids.

2. Insists on splitting the cheque instead of letting you pay

The men who don’t feel like they are entitled to free drinks and a meal, just because you asked them out on a date are the best kind of men in the world. Now split your life with him, as you split that cheque.

3. Tells you his Netflix password

Without expecting you to chill.

4. Might be passive in a fight, but not passive aggressive

Leave the passive aggression for the parents, not the pretty boy sitting across you at the dinner table.

5. Doesn’t get scared of double messaging

The world would have a lot more romances if men weren’t afraid of messaging twice in a row.

6. Is honest about the way he feels

But not in the way that it’d make you cry – so you can continue eating your double scoop of chocolate chip ice cream, without worrying about the fact that he’ll tell you it’s going to make you fat.

7. Thinks that the only glass that is half empty is your glass of gin and tonic, and orders you a repeat

On the other hand, he’s a glass full of amazing.

8. Every once in a while, he also finishes your sentences

 …but will not finish your food (unless you really want him to.)

9. But at the same time, also shares his French fries with you

Why order for the table when you can order salad for yourself and guiltlessly share his fries?

10. Doesn’t think twice before telling you how he feels about you

And you shouldn’t think twice about dating him either.

11. Believes that the only games people should play are board games

He’s got his Cards against Humanity right.

12. Can hold his alcohol just like he holds your hands at the movies

Just like a whiskey baron on his ninth measure, nothing less.

13. Knows all your close friends on a first name basis

But knows that they will always be your friends first.

14. Messages you right after a date to tell you he had a fantastic time

Because if someone waits for three days to tell you they had a great time, they’d wait even longer to tell you that you are the one.

15. Holds the door open

And his mind too.

16. Respects your virtual relationship with Ranveer Singh (or any other celebrity)

Even though Ranveer Singh has no clue that he’s in one.

17. Knows that being protective and jealous are two different things

But doesn’t tell you their dictionary meanings every day at breakfast.

18. Can make a baby giggle

The only thing more attractive than men who can make a baby giggle is a baby who can make a man giggle.

19. Knows how you like your coffee

A tall Java Chip Frappuccino, with whipped cream and a hint of cinnamon and brown sugar. Can I have some extra cream please?

20. Calls you out for being an a**hole when you are being one

As he rightfully should, you d**chebag.

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