As adults, we lie to ourselves about a lot of things. We lie about happiness, we lie about failure, we lie about how we did not deserve that DUI ticket that one time, we lie about how we can pull off neon green, and we lie about how our parents love us as much as they love our over-achieving siblings.
We lie so much that we can put it up as a skill on our LinkedIn profiles (but we don’t). Which is why it’s only natural that we lie to ourselves when it comes to finding love. Don’t believe me?
Here are 40 lies we’ve all told ourselves as we sit across a man who’s so wrong he could be a Taylor Swift song:
1. I’m so done with all of this.
2. I’m not going to get drunk tonight.
3. I’m not drunk right now.
4. I have a really good feeling about this.
5. It’s so sweet that he can talk about his ex so openly, and so often. It can only mean he’s definitely over him!
6. I won’t put out tonight, even if I think he’s really handsome and way out of my league.
7. My friends are going to love him so much!
8. It’s so cute that he already cares about how much I eat. This one’s a keeper!
9. When he says my cheeks look full, he doesn’t mean that I am fat.
10. I think he confused my drink for his; it’s no big deal.
11. Did he just check me out on my way to the restroom? How rude.
12. Who cares if he’s checking out the guy sitting at the other table? He only had eyes for me when I asked for the steak.
13. That little boil on his lip is definitely not herpes.
14. He’s just really quiet because he’s so adorably shy. Look at him checking his phone every other minute? He’s too awkward to make eye contact!
15. I’m sure this bow tie is helping me make a great impression tonight!
16. He likes me, I can just tell.
17. He’s not wearing make-up. His skin just glows like that.
18. His style is…so unique.
19. His dry sense of humour is turning me on so much right now.
20. He went through an entire packet of cigarettes in the last two hours that we’ve been here. Wow, that’s so sexy.
21. Can he smell my desperation?
22. I am sure he’s never used that line before.
23. He didn’t say nigger. He said bigger.
24. He’s right — I should have just called and confirmed the date before leaving.
25. I like how he jokes about having a boyfriend back at home. This boy is hilarious!
26. It’s so endearing that he calls himself a nomad.
27. Look at him typing away on his phone! Maybe he’s texting his friends telling them how cute I am.
28. He wants to know who I voted for. This is so much fun!
29. I probably shouldn’t ask him why he told me that he has to get back home in 30 minutes.
30. When he tells me he thinks we’d make great bros, he means it in a romantic sort of way.
31. He’s going to love how I can snort my shots out of my nose.
32. I’m sure he’s thinking about getting matching wedding bands too.
33. He’s just asking me if my flat mate is out of town, because he’s really concerned about me being alone at home. Such a sweet guy!
34. It’s completely fine if he didn’t bother to split the bill. I’m sure he’ll pay next time.
35. I wish the cheque took its own sweet time to get here.
36. This isn’t too soon after my breakup. I am ready.
37. If I do sleep with him tonight, I’m going to make sure I don’t develop feelings and wait for him to call me back. That would be pathetic.
38. I’m really looking forward to my walk of shame tomorrow morning!
39. I have a feeling he’s going to ask me out this weekend.
40. Oh yes! I’m definitely going to see him again for sure.