We are almost halfway through 2017.
They say the age of the hipsters might be finally coming to an end, but can gay men ever let a good thing go?
We are still here, writing in our moleskin notebooks, riding our 12-gear bikes, using our organic moustache wax and stocking up on our ironic print t-shirts. It’s safe to say that the gay hipsters aren’t disappearing into the dregs of their black coffee mugs just yet. Jahangir, 27 and Subhashish, 26, would agree. The creative designer and casting director share an apartment in one of the quieter back alleys of Mumbai — a home that is littered with curios, knickknacks and pop culture references.
And they don’t plan to leave anytime soon. Do you want to know what makes the quintessential gay hipster, apart from his love for beer, bowties and his beard? Here are a few helpful hints:
The hipster doesn’t own a television. He’ll also make sure he tells everyone he knows about it. While on a date. At a casual lunch. During a work meeting. At a birthday party. In the bus. At the grocery store. While at a funeral.
He has his own complicated order at the coffee shop: like a Grande, iced, sugar-free vanilla latté with soymilk. It’s his standard go-to drink every morning on his way to work (as a graphic designer at an independent media house).
But most often, the barista can’t make it, so he has a large decaf.
He had a Tumblr profile back in 2012 that was called the TheUnfairKnightReturns. It is an archive of his button poetry, millennial rap and a motley collection of dark and depressing thoughts. He doesn’t like talking about it.
His best friend makes organic hemp t-shirts, which he freely wears and advertises. He’s always equipped with a card for her Facebook page. It doesn’t list any numbers, but has a standalone QR code.
The Hipster owns a coffee table book with vaguely pornographic pictures. It’s usually on top of his bedside drawer because he doesn’t have the money to invest in a coffee table.
He talks about how he hates Forever 21 — and yet it looks like all his clothes came from there. Especially when they have their clearance sales.
He saw 13 Reasons Why, but thought the book was a lot better than the Netflix original. He even wrote a long rant on Facebook pointing out all the differences between the two — all thirteen of them.
The Hipster believes in participating in No Shave November. All year around.
He buys all his groceries from the farmer’s market — you’d know because he Snapchats the entire experience.
And then he’d make it his Instagram Story, so that no one misses out.
He has five sets of bowties: casual, semi-casual, formal, party and street-chic-that-shows-I-don’t-care-about-trying-to-hard.
He doesn’t watch Game Of Thrones, because ‘it’s become so mainstream’. He won’t think twice before telling you that he’s read all the books though. Right down to all the companion books.
Sometimes, he bicycles to work.
He’ll complain about how the city just doesn’t have the space, or the infrastructure for cyclists. He’ll still use UberPool.
He rolls his eyes when people tell him they listen to EDM. He rolls his eyes even more when they tell him they haven’t heard of his favourite indie (but also very obscure) band. He gives up when they say that they think Alt-J is cool.
He’ll pester you to try out seaweed, which is the new kale, which was the new quinoa.
The Hipster doesn’t love flannel. He lives it.
For your birthday, he’ll gift you a mixed tape of all his favourite indie music. He’ll make you play it at the party.
If not that, he’ll gift you a potted miniature cactus. It’s a little sapling from the terrarium he’s working on.
He has an Instamax camera that he takes pictures of. The camera is in mint condition, and looks best when edited with the Juno filter on Instagram. It’s hidden away in his closet, and only makes an appearance when his friends are over, or when he’s packing a suitcase for a holiday.
Which would most definitely be a backpacking trip across Vietnam and Cambodia.
His favourite author is Margaret Atwood, and he’s read Handmaiden’s Tale twice. He cried the second time.
He knows the show adaption won’t be half as good.
But he’ll still live stream it the moment it releases.
He’ll deny it, but he got excited when he heard IKEA might open up a warehouse in the country.
When he realised that was a rumour, he commiserated by drinking an entire bottle of Coca Cola. It’s a secret he’ll take to the grave.
The last time the Hipster ate at a McDonalds was back in 2013. You remember because he tells you every time you meet him.
He’ll make faces at you when you devour your burger nonetheless.
He’ll swear that The Royal Tenenbaums is his favourite film by Wes Anderson, whom he adores. He scoffs at you when you tell him you thought Fantastic Mr Fox was cute. He’s not heard of Moonrise Kingdom.
He has a typewriter that he typed out quotes by Charles Bukowski from. They are all framed and hung in his living room. The typewriter hasn’t been used ever since. He covers it up with fairy lights.
He gets pissed at his flat mate for not knowing what sourdough bread is.
The Hipster constantly bums off cigarettes off people while out at a pub, claiming he doesn’t smoke. He looks bummed off if you don’t have a Davidoff. He’ll have a Marlboro in that case, because ‘Classic Milds just doesn’t do it for him.’
He has a manicured beard that looks like a permanent five o’clock shadow. He pays extra so that it looks just the right amount of messy. The stylist is given a free pass to NH7 so that she won’t tell anyone.
When he does run into the stylist at a music festival, he’ll pretend she’s a friend he has ‘collaborated’ with.
It was an art project that was so niche, they’ve been told not to talk about it.
He drinks only artisanal beer, and likes to tell people how ‘beer is the new wine’.
He absolutely despises brands. But he’s still counting down the days for the big iPhone 8 launch. It’s marked as a reminder on his iPhone 7.
He doesn’t believe in credit cards.
He’ll always be short of cash while splitting the cheque with his date.
And that’ll probably be you.